


I'm More than Just a Hero

by lumenbriide



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Bromance, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, No Slash, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Past Relationship(s), Secrets, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-29 20:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12092637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumenbriide/pseuds/lumenbriide
Summary: "I'm more than just a hero. I'm a person..." Obi-Wan Kenobi stumbles upon a holo diary recording belonging to his former Padawan, and what he sees makes him realize that there is more to Anakin Skywalker than just being the Hero with No Fear.





	1. The Diary

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally written in 2013, and has been posted on AO3 in 2017. Thus, characterization, grammar, etc. may not be up to date with what some may expect to read.

He didn't want to see it. Honestly, he didn't. He was never one to pry into someone else's belongings, especially ones labeled 'private.' In fact, all he had wanted was to find some mission files – nothing more than that. After all, Anakin had given him permission to get them. Anakin hadn't been worried about anything being discovered, so why should he?

Obi-Wan Kenobi stared at the small metal box that he had knocked off the high shelf in Anakin Skywalker's room. Jedi weren't supposed to have possession – but then again, Obi-Wan wasn't sure if these counted as  _possessions_. It was just a data-pad, nothing new there, and some gadgets his friend had obviously tinkered with. He was used to those. No, what caught his attention was the small holo-disk recording labeled 'PRIVATE' in huge, bold letters. It was just a small disk – obviously didn't hold much memory space – but still, it had managed to tap into his curiosity. So, against better judgment, he shut and locked the door, sat down on the floor, and slid the disk into his holo-disk.

He didn't know what he would find – Anakin had always been known to keep major secrets – so when a simple image of Anakin appeared, he relaxed a little. He even smiled as he watched the hologrammic Anakin fiddling with the recorder, cleaning the lenses and trying to adjust the screen. Finally, after he seemed satisfied with the adjustments, he sat down on a small bench.

 _"Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm never,_ ever _going to let someone see this, but if I am – and it's a one in a million chance that will happen – than I might be glad I got this off my chest. That someone knew what was actually going through my mind."_

Obi-Wan stared at the little recording with interest as Anakin took a deep breath and continued.

_"So, let's begin. My name is Anakin Skywalker, and I just turned 21 a week ago…"_

"Well, this is recent," Obi-Wan mumbled as he made himself more comfortable on the cold floor. Anakin's birthday had been two weeks ago. Once he was leaning against Anakin's small bed, he returned his focus on the hologram.

_"…anyway, this is during the Clone War, and during the reign of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. But enough of all those details. I hate stuff like that – in case you didn't know." Anakin took another deep breath, and closed his eyes. "So…I don't even know why I'm doing this. No one's going to see it."_

The image of Anakin reached over as if to unplug the camera, and for a moment Obi-Wan feared he would never figure out what was on his friend's mind. But then, Anakin sighed, and sat back down.

_"Okay, I'll just do it and get it over with," he mumbled, staring right at the camera. "This was Padme's idea, to make a video diary of myself. But, I'm just going to do this one video, so…"_

'Padme? What in the galaxy does Padme have to do with this?' Obi-Wan wondered, especially considering the fact that the Naboo Senator had been dead for the past month.

_"… I guess that's where I should start," Anakin continued. "Padme Naberrie Amidala. An incredible senator and queen. She was kind, and considerate and caring and loving…and…she was my wife."_

Obi-Wan felt as if he were going to have a heart attack at the word  _wife_. Anakin had been married, and he hadn't known?! How could this have happened?! Obi-Wan considered slamming the disk down and going to confront Anakin at that moment, but decided against it. There would be plenty of time for that after the recording was over. Besides, it wasn't his fault he hadn't known – Anakin hadn't let on in the least bit he were married. In fact, when he attended her funeral, he didn't show any emotion at all.

'But that may be the problem,' Obi-Wan mused as he un-paused the hologram.

_"No one knew that we had gotten married on Naboo right after the battle of Geonosis," Anakin stated. "I couldn't let anyone know – I'm a Jedi, and it would also ruin her career as a senator. So we kept it a secret. It hurt – I confess it hurt lying to everyone, especially my best friends – but I have to say, I was never happier with her by my side."_

At this point in, Anakin looked away from the camera, and bit his lip. He leaned back, and when he refaced the camera, Obi-Wan could've sworn he saw tears in his eyes.

_"I loved her. She was my angel…she was everything to me. We spent every minute we could together…then, three weeks before…she died."_

There were definitely tears now as Obi-Wan watched Anakin lower his head to hide his face.

_"I-I couldn't let anyone know even then that she was my wife. That may have been one of the hardest times in my life – I watched my only love for the last time as they buried her, and I couldn't go up to her, or talk to her…I didn't ever get to say good-bye." Anakin raised his head, but turned it away from the camera, as if trying to keep control of himself. "We made a promise to each other when we were married – we said that if anything happened to either of us, we wouldn't spill the secret. Not until it was absolutely necessary. We both wanted what was best for each other. We both loved our careers, so we vowed to keep it that way. I forced myself not to break my last promise to her."_

_"Well – now, even though I know nobody is going to see this , now you know the truth. Yes, I'm a Jedi, and yes, I broke the code and got married. Nobody's perfect." Anakin stared right back into the camera again, having gained control of his emotions. "And that's where I really want to start. Nobody's perfect. No one, especially not me. But I know the holo-net doesn't like to show that. So, if a regular citizen ever manages to see this, then you'll probably recognize me better as the Hero with No Fear. Let me tell you right now – that's just a load of bantha poodoo. I hate that title, just as much as I hate the title the Chosen One…"_

Obi-Wan paused the recording, and lowered his head. He shouldn't be looking at this – he knew that. This was obviously something very personal. He began to place the recording back in its box…but then stopped. Something was nagging at him to look at the rest of his former Padawan's diary, so after giving a sigh of defeat against himself, he turned it back on.

_"…Ever since I first came to the Temple at the age of nine, I was told that I was a child of prophesy. That I had been destined to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force. I didn't even know what the Force was back then! Yet I still had to live up to the fact that I was supposed to be some perfect Jedi, and be the most powerful among all others. I am NOT perfect! I am not the most powerful! In fact, I'd love to see just a single week that I'm not called in by the Council because I did something disobedient – or stupid. I get in trouble all the time. As for the Hero with No Fear thing, I hate that just as much, maybe even more. I have fear. Stang, I probably have more fear than any of you out there! I'm afraid of loss. I'm afraid of being too confident, or under confident. I'm afraid for my men, for my Master, for the Order. I'm afraid for the innocents suffering in this war."_

_"All I hear from people during this war is 'I want to be a hero.' What a lot of them don't realize is that being a hero comes at a cost. I didn't even want to be one – yet that's what happened. Now, not only do I have to worry about my life and my men's while out of the battlefield, but I have to worry about how I portray myself. Because now everyone in the Republic is expecting something of me. They want to see someone with never ending courage and bravery. They want to see me as unstoppable, and fearless, and just plain supernatural. They don't want to see me as who I really am…"_

_"…I'm a slave boy that grew up in the desert. I was probably the most disobedient and wild Padawan ever – I must say that my Master has the patience of a saint. I have fears. Not a day goes by that I'm not afraid for something or someone. I broke one of the most ancient codes in the Order – I got married. I lied to everyone about it. I have weaknesses. I get hurt and injured and sick just like the rest of you, but guess what? I can't show it, because I'm supposed to be 'unstoppable.' I'm supposed to be exceptionally brave. Not true. In fact, usually I just rush into battle not even thinking about what I'm doing – I don't think that counts as courage."_

The recording beeped, showing that there was only a few more minutes of battery. Obi-Wan hoped the projection would end soon before it died, because he was learning more about his best friend from this recording then he had learned over the twelve years he knew him.

_"So if anyone ever sees this while I'm still alive – and I doubt that will happen – then I want to ask you a favor. For just one day, let me stop being the Hero with No Fear. For just a day, let me not be the prophesized Chosen One. I don't want to be the Hero with No Fear, or the Chosen One, or General Skywalker, or the Unstoppable Warrior, or any other stupid title the media hands out. I want to just be Anakin, the kid who likes to fly and is good with machinery. I wanted to just be a husband to my wife, but now I can't. So for a single day, just let me be who I really am. Because I'm MORE than just a hero. I'm a person…"_

Suddenly, the hologram flickered as Anakin twisted around on the chair. Obi-Wan recognized his own voice blare through the hologram, "Anakin, the Council is waiting for you!" He saw Anakin reply with a quick, "I'm coming," before reaching over and unplugging the projector.

And then, that was it.

Obi-Wan sat on the floor, the now dead holo-disk in his hands as he just stared at the wall, thinking. He had never,  _ever_  known this was what Anakin had thought about being the Hero with No Fear. He had always been under the impression that he enjoyed it – he had never once complained about it, and if someone called him that, he just replied with a grin. If this recording had been made in the beginning of the Clone War, he wouldn't have wondered about it so much. But no – this was made just last week. Less than seven days ago.

Obi-Wan glanced at his wrist-chrono, and gasped when he saw the time. Anakin was waiting for him in the meeting room. He dumped all the contents of the box back in its place, shoved it on the shelf, grabbed the papers he was originally looking for, and ran out the door.

He was going to have a talk with Anakin Skywalker.


	2. A Retreat

As he entered the small meeting room, Obi-Wan couldn't help but notice the smirk on his friend's face as he entered. "And you scold me for being late," Anakin remarked, grinning.

Obi-Wan managed a dry laugh, trying to display a careless manner rather than his inner confusion and concern. He sat down across from the younger man and handed him the files.

Anakin took them and immediately began flipping through papers. "So, if we're going to infiltrate their base, we'll definitely need to go into stealth mode. Let's look for underground sewers, mines, stuff like that." When he received just silence as an answer, he looked up to see his mentor staring into nothingness, a distant look in his eyes.

Anakin chuckled, then picked up a pen and flung it at him. Obi-Wan gasped and nearly fell backwards in his chair as the pen struck him on the forehead. "Anakin, what in blazes are you doing?!"

"You weren't paying attention," Anakin explained with a smile. It quickly faded when he noticed Obi-Wan was losing focus again. "What's wrong with you, Master? Are you feeling okay?"

Obi-Wan turned to find his eyes locked onto Anakin's, which were brimming with worry. "What's wrong?" the Knight repeated.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Nothing, Anakin, nothing. I'm fine." He began fiddling with his pen, until a sudden thought came to his mind. "Let's go on a retreat."

Anakin's bright blue eyes grew wide. "What?! We can't, Master! We're in the middle of planning a strategy, remember?!"

"Yes, yes – but what about afterwards?"

Anakin just gaped. "What brought this on? Master, we're in a war. We can't just…shirk from our duties."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Anakin, even a Jedi needs a break. I think it'll do us both some good." He raised an eyebrow. "I'll let you pick the location."

"What is going on with you?! We can't just leave, especially now – we've got Dooku and Grievous on the run! The Republic is winning the war, Obi-Wan! We can end this stupid thing once and for all. And you want to go on vacation?!"

"We can plan the strategy, then give it to the Council so they can assign another team for the job. It's been a while since we've been on a retreat, hasn't it? Several months, perhaps? We'll be back in plenty of time."

Anakin continued to stare. "Master, you're not, like…dying…or something, are you?"

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh. "And why would you say that?"

"Because I've never seen you like this. Ready to drop everything you're doing to go on a retreat." He frowned. "What's  _really_  going on with you, Obi-Wan?"

"Nothing!" Obi-Wan sighed. "But if you insist, I'm tired of this war, and I'm sure you are to. So just humor me, okay? Everyone needs a break…" He hesitated before finishing. "…even heroes."

There was an uncertain flicker in Anakin's eyes, and Obi-Wan feared he had given too much away. But slowly, the suspicion melted away, and Anakin relaxed. "Humor you, huh? Humor you how?"

"Agree to come on a meditator's retreat with me. It'll be easy to request one from the Council – we've done so much for them these past few months, they can't refuse." He smiled. "You choose the location."

Anakin looked at him for several more minutes before shrugging. "Alright, then. I'll humor you. Let's say we go to…maybe…Naboo. How's that?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Naboo! Fine! I can go request the needed time from the Council right away." The Master got up and began exiting the room before stopping him.

"Uh, Master?" Anakin called, clearing his throat. "What about the battle strategy?"

"Oh, yes…of course! Let's finish the strategy, and then I'll go to the Council." Obi-Wan sat back down quickly – perhaps too quickly, because the chair tipped over and the Master tumbled to the ground, stunned.

Anakin broke out laughing. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm sort of enjoying it."

Obi-Wan got back up, and brushed off his tunic. "Well, I'm glad you think so." He sat back in the chair, and twiddled his thumbs. "Where were we?"

Anakin grinned, eyes twinkling, before turning back to the paperwork in front of him. "Okay, so there's a shield around the entire front perimeter…"

* * *

Soon enough, just as he had said, Obi-Wan was striding through the halls of the Temple, backpack slung over his shoulder, prepared for the weekend retreat he would spend with Anakin. The Council had given in with ease, and now, Anakin was waiting for him in the hanger, preparing the ship to go to Naboo.

_"…I didn't even get to say good-bye…"_

The memory of Anakin saying those words as he spoke about his wife's funeral filled his mind. Now, it was obvious to him why Anakin wanted to go to Naboo. If he hadn't seen the video, perhaps he would've thought that Anakin just liked Naboo above all the other planets; or he may not have even suggested the retreat at all. But he had seen the recording, and he knew the real reason Anakin desired Naboo: it was a chance to find closure with his beloved. To say good-bye. And Obi-Wan would never deny him that.

As soon as Anakin saw his mentor walking towards him, he grinned. "Ready, Master?" he called out. "The ship is all prepped."

"Good, Anakin." Obi-Wan flung his backpack onto the ship's loading platform before climbing the ladder and heaving himself onto it. "We're all set then?"

Anakin nodded, and then raised an eyebrow. "I still don't understand what's going on, Master. You've never…I've never seen…" He stammered for the right words before narrowing his eyes. "What brought this on?"

Obi-Wan sighed, and locked eyes with the younger Jedi. "I just noticed we're both tired of this war, and sick of fighting. This will give us both a break. You do want to go, don't you?"

"Of course, Master, but with the war and General Grievous…"

"Grievous won't tear down the galaxy in a weekend," Obi-Wan stated. "It'll be fine."

Obi-Wan watched Anakin think for a moment, and smiled when the Jedi said, "In that case, Naboo here we come."

"Indeed. You fly."

As they traveled through hyperspace across the galaxy, his mind wandered backwards in time as he struggled to remember everything his young friend had said in the diary recording he had watched.

_"…they don't see me as who I really am…"_

_"…for just one day, I don't want to be the Hero with no Fear…"_

_"…I'm more than just a hero. I'm a person…"_

He couldn't make Anakin less tired, or heal his aching wounds – both physical and emotional. He couldn't relieve him from his duties, for he was needed in the war. He couldn't bring back Padme, his wife, his love. But he would try, for just three days, to give Anakin what he truly wanted: freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please try and remember that this was started several years ago, so the way the dialogue is written and the chapters themselves are something I know need editing someday.


End file.
